Christian Dating Disasters: Rob

This is actually an old story but such a good one I have to share it!

I was 18 and about to graduate from High School. (I don’t even want to get started about how much it absolutely sucks to be a Christian girl entangled in the depths of senior year.) I had my plans set to start community college and a job working at the local Starbucks. I was your very typical 18 year old.

Rob was a year older! He was 6’7″ Monster of a guy who had a beard (at 18 I thought this was a very mature thing) and was a rugby player. ( Muscles muscles MUSCLES) The plan was that he would pick me up after school and we would go to watch a movie and get pizza. I was really excited. We had been talking for a while after meeting at church. He seemed really sweet and like he had a genuine love for the Lord.

After school Rob drove up in his brand new expensive car that was a gift from his parents. He got out.. we said hello and then he opened the door for me. I thought we had a gentleman on our hands. The second we started driving he started talking about his car. It needs to be said that there is NOTHING wrong with a guy who loves cars. There IS something wrong when he is more concerned with how much it cost vs… how much his daddy makes in a year. I listened for about 10 minutes until we made it to the pizza place. He then started talking about an instrument I have never heard of and could honestly not tell you what it even is now. It was some musical instrument used by an ancient culture during their religious ceremonies. That’s kind of interesting and cool right? I sure thought it was at the time too! For about the first 45 minutes. Until I had finished my pizza and his slice was cold. He began to get heated too. I could tell he was passionate about this instrument so I tried to get in a question about it… but I couldn’t! This guy talked so fast there was not a chance for me to chime in. I just listened. An hour later he had still not finished his pizza and we were going to be late to the movie.

The movie wasn’t bad. It was a cute Disney movie that had just come out. Nothing too serious. I was genuinely enjoying it and had offered to buy the popcorn since he bought the tickets. All was normal UNTIL he put his arm around me. I was ok with it. We had been talking for a few months and it didn’t seem too forward despite this being our first date. He placed his hand on my thigh. (It should be noted I was wearing a sun dress!) Then the hand tried to move up my thigh…. UH UH SIR. I removed his hand. He chuckled the most pretentious chuckle I have ever heard still to this date and put his hand back. I grabbed his hand and placed it on his lap and patted it like a misbehaving dog. It seemed to get the point across and we watched the rest of the movie. Rob was definitely annoyed and didn’t say a word to me on the drive back to my house.

Where I lived at the time could be considered “in the midle of no where”. There are no street lights and a lot of untmamed land. My house sat back far from the road (Which at the time wasn’t paved.) Rob was hesitant to drive down my driveway because of his very fancy car. I understood and told him I could walk! He declined, worried I would be bitten by a cayote or something (…..ok….) and drove me to the front of my house. Prepare yourself, because here is where it REALLY get’s bad. It was pitch black and there wasn’t a moon that night. A light breeze was blowing through the tree’s. I didn’t even wait for him to open my door I was so over this date. We both hoped out when suddenly we hear movement in the bushes. My ginormous rugby player date screams like little girl and jumps on top of his beloved car while simultaneous locking it with two beeps.

“What was that!?” He sqeeled.

“What?! What’s the matter?” I was so shocked at seeing such a large bearded man leap in the air and onto his car I hadn’t even moved.

“THERE WAS A RATTLE SNAKE I HEARD IT!” He screamed. There are no words to explain my thoughts at this exact moment. I was too annoyed to even laugh.

“‘Rob… get off your car and unlock the door. I need to get my backpack.” I said with no sympathy in my voice. He realized then how stupid he looked and unlocked the door with his key. He did not, however, get off the hood of his car. I heard more noises from the bushes as I grabbed my backpack from his backseat. That’s when Rob screamed again. I looked up only to see a man emerging from the shadows wearing a cowboy hat and holding a machete. It was my Dad.

“Hi Dad!” I called out sheepishly.

“I heard someone yell there was a rattlesnake!?” He yelled back as he approached us. Rob had finally snapped out of it by now and had hopped off of his vehicle. He was still trembling when he shook my Dad’s hand.

“False alarm!” I smiled. My dad disappeared into the house through the garage and Rob walked me up to the front door.

“I had a really nice time.” He lied. To my horror he started to lean in for the goodnight kiss. That’s when my little sister came to the rescue. She whipped opened the door holding my footlong Bearded Dragon named Bernie. Rob leaned back with wide eyes filled with fear.

“Iszie, Bernie wanted to meet you date!” Said my sister ( aka my saving grace. )I picked up my Baby and placed him on my shoulder.

“What the heck is that thing?” asked Rob clearly repulsed. He had taken a few steps back and was looking at me like I had grown a second head.

“This is Bernard!” I smiled. “Do you want to hold him!?” I held sweet, innocent, and loving Bernie out to the icky dude. That was the last straw for Rob. He quickly said goodnight and ran back to his car. I have never seen anyone drive off so quick. We never spoke again.

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